The purpose of life is not to be happy.

Sat, 07 May 2005 03:22:36 GMT

(This was written previously at Caribou)

Just being able to say that I know her is a gift in and of itself. To have her there to talk to and to know that she'll listen to anything I choose to ramble about is a blessing, and at the same time, a relief.

I could never ask for anything more from her, because if I did, it'd be a selfish and foolish act. You never know how great something is until you lose it, I lost it once, this time around hopefully it'll be different.

I don't know if I could ever date her, not that I have much of an option. But her smiles melt my heart, her eyes see through me, her hugs give me butterflies.

If we ever dated, it wouldn't be for long. I'd probably be in my grave because I'd die of excitement.

I'm trying spend as much time here at Caribou as possible. (I have a gift certificate that needs used)

I'm trying to do everything in my power to avoid going "home". I'm so frustrated with my dad and the disliking that he's being taking to me.

I used to be such a daddy's girl. I remember when I hit my first homerun and he ran up to me and picked me up and swung me around. He was so proud of me. Everyone said how cute we were together, and they were right; we were cute, so damn cute.

I'm living in a broken home. I wish I didn't have to go back.

On a lighter note, tomorrow we have some more games. Hopefully we win. I'm really excited. I love softball, and more then that, I love my team. Those girls are awesome. Just a GREAT group this year, really. =)

I might go see a movie with Abby tomorrow, maybe. If she still wants to.

Kailey just stopped in with her friend, what a surprise. But now Adrienne just called and she wants me to come over.

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 14:08:41 GMT

Just in case you were wondering, I'm in a better mood and sleeping has done me well.

I woke up to Emma's voice this morning, tell me this isn't going to be an unusual day...

No game, just practice, how fun. I feel as though I'll be wasting another 2 1/2 hours of my life. But, as C and I have decided, we're cocky and snobby because we feel as though we are too good to practice. Not that I think practicing isn't important. But I don't think a DAY off every once in a while would kill us.

I think I'm getting a new car today. Another Ford Focus, woohoo. ;)

I need to go clean my room, thoroughly (dusting and all) and then clean my car out before I can go out tonight.

This should be fun. Kari.

Save our souls before all our dreams come true

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 05:40:22 GMT

I'm in such a weird mood right now. It's a different kind of depressed, but nonetheless, there's always Emma and Jenna to say something stupid and to get a smirk out of me.

The past three days, literally, have been the best that I've truly had in a while. I remember being on the ride home from Salem on the bus. I was so excited that for the first time I think I verbally said, "I love my life, right now.." I felt happy again, almost complete. Almost like I'd have a shot. But not quite.

I can't sleep and as far as I'm concerned, it's not a priority right now. I haven't really eaten in about three days. Yes, I have my icecream and cookies, the occasional banana and coffee, but other then that, I haven't had an appetite.

I hate how I can't talk to him. I hate how I used to look up to him and now after seeing he's blinded by his own arrogance, I want nothing to do with him. My Dad's a product of his society and generation, and so am I. I guess we both will eventually go our separate ways, as if we haven't already started.

I'm sorry this is a really lame journal entry, I'm really depressed.

I have so many thoughts that no one has ever heard. No one. And I'm overwhelmed in this perilous combat with myself. I've been waiting since February. And with every fading, dying day, my heart grows fonder. It takes it's toll though, in time.

In time. Kari

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 01:39:58 GMT

Okay, well I'm going to update and I'm going to make this quick. I had the worst game of my season thusfar against Springfield tonight. Who can blame me though? The weather was terrible, and all-in-all today was just not my day to begin with.

Although, I love it how I get harrassed when I'm catching. Like when I pop up and fake a throw. Apparently four girls on the team thought it was pretty entertaining, it's funny how I threw one out, and how the rest of them are intimidated by me when they're on first or third. Anyway, here's a couple tips to those girls that I remember in specific (They'll never read this, but it'll make me happy): Don't stand so far off of the plate, we'll pitch you outside and you won't ever touch it, Yeah it was cold, but don't blame your bad hits on your cold bat, and the only players that I can tell that are really good on your team are Krista, Ashley, and Christie. So chill out and sit on the bench or something..

With that said, I'm so pressed for time. And I have a lot on my plate, I fear I'm getting stressed out. I fear that I am neglecting the people in my life that I care about because I don't really have time to talk. So if you think I'm really busy, chances are I am, so please don't get mad.

I need to get a 400 page book finished by Friday. I could take the easy way out with Sparknotes, but I need to do this for myself, it's a good personal challenge. So far, I'm on page 100.

Why the hurry? Well one because Simington is collecting the books. But also because I have two more I'd like to read after that before I write my senior speech for Hertzy.

Granted, I could write her speech the day of and I could still make her cry. But I want to put a lot of effort into it, she deserves it. She's such an amazing girl and I love her dearly.

I'll miss her when she's gone. Kari.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 23:53:22 GMT

I just got home from softball practice and I'm glad it wasn't a very long one. My day was okay, as of right now, nothing bad has happened and I'd like to keep it that was. I finally found an effective way of getting all my homework done while I'm at school and I haven't brought books home for weeks.

Emma made fun of me all day long... For reasons that are "obvious" which I thought it wasn't that noticable, but anyway moving right along...

I need to read "The Two Towers" by Friday, we'll see if that gets done.. pshttt. I don't have a whole lot to say.

I've come up with an effective test. It's called the "Are You Compatible With Kari" test. Here are the instructions:

Compatibility With Kari Evaluation

Upon the completion of this quiz will a score be rendered. Only those of you whom score 75% or above can be considered by Adrienne as a possible candidate to date Kari. The grading procedure is as follows:

Important topics that need to be viewed similarly between partners will be asked. If answered correctly 1 point will be given. A total of 100 questions will be asked. The grading scale is as follows:

75%-85% You’re sketchy, but you might be do-able. Maybe you just don’t test well.

85%-90% You have a chance, but don’t count on it. Adrienne holds Kari’s best interests in mind.

90%-95% Sweeeeet. You and Kari look like you could be good together, but don’t give up yet, Adrienne is the biggest testament of true compatibility yet to come.

95%-100% SCORE!!! You can have Kari’s cockapoo!!!

I'm not impressed by the scores thusfar. Only two people have taken it. 78% and a 71%. Yikes. Maybe I'm just that special... by the way, Adrienne picks my partners. ;).

<3 Kari

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 16:54:04 GMT

This is Adrienne, not to be confused with Kari. And I have a story for you all. Kari and myself have decided to become nomads. We will be traveling along the western front, living in local forests and spending our nights in t-pees. So please do not be alarmed, when you see us camping out in your backyard. We eventually plan to set sail and in the midst of a tsunami we will wash up onto the shore of Anartica. There we will retire our t-pees and live the life of an Eskimo.

I bet your all wondering why we have decided to live this kind of life. Well let me explain. My dearest friend, Kari is in the midst of a six year old crisis. It seems that she has locked lips for the past eight hours (I know, that's insane!)with her friend's friend. And we all thought the drama was gone for a bit. Now akwardness has arrived and it's just a big sloppy mess. Now as much as I feel for Kari, I think this is fucking hilarious. It's made my day and I'm 'oh so' sorry if you don't feel the same way.

So farwell to all as we move on to our nomad life. Adrienne

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 22:10:56 GMT

Today, I finally came face to face with a realistic situation. I stuck up for myself, for people that are like me, I stood up to a homophobe. It bothered me before, in fact, it bothered me a lot. But it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate and sad that he was raised and for whatever reason to believe it was okay to hate homosexuals.

We had the day off from softball and it was absolutely glorious. I did anything but relax. I had two Doctor's appointments, both of which left me feeling a little depressed.

I guess I expected it from counseling but she makes me feel a lot better. She gives me a new outlook on things, a better one then what I came there with. But I always leave feeling alone, realizing I'm alone. It's been recommended I stick in there until college, but it's so, so hard.

The second appointment I had was with the dermatologist. She found my arm and asked about it. I can't lie, it was embarssing, I was put right on the spot in that moment. I could feel my face getting red as it usually does and my pulse speeding up rapidly and she sat down and connected with me on a personal level. In such a way that no Doctor has ever really done with me before.

I told her everything, not that she cared, but she seemed interested. She studied me with her brown eyes, I literally felt like she would drain every single thing out of me.

After I was done, she told me things that I would expect my close friends to say. She gave me her home number, told me she was there, and gave me some cream for my arm so that it would heal better.

I can't lie, it was a very touching moment. I almost broke down crying in that room with her but I choked back tears until I made it outside of the building.

She gave me one of the most warmly embraced hugs that I've had in a while. It was much needed.

Speaking of my arm, it's come to my attention that that's the only reason someone started talking to me again. As much as I appreciate your concern, I don't need false sympathy.

Be real with me. Kari

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 01:28:41 GMT

Ahhh this has been a busy day. I've been going and going and going and now I'm hurrying to update this thing because I LOVE to please my audience. Which reminds me:

I LOVE BOOBSSSSSSSSS! =P.. Sorry I didn't do that before Jenna.. ;)

In school today I slept a lot and didn't learn a whole lot of anything. I think I slept the whole English period and when I woke up Jenna, Congz, and JJ were leaving because he said we could leave early for softball. I wonder: How long would they have left me there.

We had a game in Alliance tonight. We won and it was pretty pointless that we drove up there. No homeruns but you have to take into consideration the height of the fence, the distance, and the speed of the pitcher.

On the way home, ohhhh on the way home. =). Prank phone calls like no other. Well, actually it first started off by me getting hyper.. Like "Bite my fucking ass you mother fucking anorexic twig..." lol Jenna, Gitty, and Allie. Then I started talking in my south park voice and we decided to prank phone call lots of people.. Some highlights of things that came from my mouth (and lord knows how I came up with it.. ):

I'm now Marvelous Marva. You butt fucked me from behind the bush. You bit my berries. I have white laced panties on with a hole from my acidic pussy puss!!! lmao.. Soooo funny. AHHH haha

I'm so hyper. Then after we got back to the school I took Ashley and Tadla to sno castle. We beat Jenna and Gitty. Wooo go us!! I have so much I need to do. Sorry this is soo short and stupid and ADDish.

I'm glad Conger and I are hanging out again. =)

AHH. Kari.

The quote of my night, "She screwed up your life soo bad..."

How true, how true.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 23:15:46 GMT

First, and foremost, I feel it is neccessary to give a special shout out to Ciera, Congz, and Jenna Medina all of which I found out today read my livejournal, but fail to comment on it. Ciera told me she read it today, I'm not sure why, I felt a bit embarassed because I honestly thought that no one read this thing. And apparently, I'm wrong.

I got blood taken this morning. Since the lady messed up on my right arm, she had to use my left. The one that is all cut up. That made for a rather awkward moment or two while she stabbed me with a needle and took my blood away.

I'm watching Kristen tonight while my parents go to a funeral. My two neighbors died from my old house, just a day apart from each other. I'm not going to lie, they were a bit different because they were from Russia I think. There house smelled funny, they talked poor English, they never wore shorts, but they were content with the happy simplistic life that they had together.

I've never met people quite like them, that literally had two goals in life: To love others, and to keep their lawn clean-cut. Mr. Terlucky, up until the day before he died, was outside trimming his bushes. And talk about the irony of them dying so close together. They weren't two different people. They were two bodies that shared the same mind, body, and soul.

I think we can all learn a lesson there. And I so longingly wish for what they had. All that time I spent pointing out how different they were, how weird I felt around them; I now find myself in a way jealous. Jealous of a life that I want.

Simple, with a lot of love.

I hit another homerun tonight, and it was really nothing. The only thing I could think about was having someone there for me, loving me. That I could give my homerun ball to, kiss them on the cheek, and tell them that I hit that one for them. That's what I want.

Not a new car, or a new computer, or lots and lots of friends.

I'd rather lead the simple life, like the Terlucky's.

RIP. Kari.

If it was up to me, I'd never have to miss you...

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 14:00:27 GMT

Alright, well, right now I don't really want to update but I feel obligated to do so.

Yesterday I picked up Jill and we drove to Mill Creek to play short holes. But we got lost along the way and found the village and I got four pretty cool shirts. Then we went golfing and got stuck between two incompetent old men that really didn't know what they were doing. We were supposed to do 18 holes, but we left after 8. Then after that we went to sno castle in Struthers. They've only been open two days and I've been there twice... I wonder what time I'm going to be going there today. lol =P. After that we came back to my house and I introduced her to my parents. And to make my dad mad I decided to let him know that she has a boyfriend (PJ). Oh, they are soo cute together.. We got bored staying at my house so we drove to the dollar theater to see Meet The Fockers, but we missed it by 20 minutes. So we drove over to Barnes and Nobles to look for a lesbian in the "Gay and Lesbian" section, because I'm lonely. We found none. (This is a long day, and I'm sorry for that.. lol). Hmm, then we were driving to Giant Eagle to get a movie, but I decided to go to Gabriel Brothers because I've never been there before. So, we go in and right off the bat we see two of the most scary people I've ever seen in my life. We quickly decided that it wasn't our place to be there, so we left. Then we went to Giant Eagle and Olivia, Nicole, and Katie were there. So I invited them over. And we all watched Ladder 49 and ate Starkiss things from Dairy Quenn and Nicole had a lunchable.. Woo.

That was basically my night. Today I have to go work with Aimee on our movie sometime. Not sure when, she hasn't call. Then maybe I'm going to go to my cousin's party. But I'm bored with this, so I'm going..

I miss Adrienne. Kari.

"It's for the better and I'm bitter..."

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 01:20:40 GMT

Busy day, I'm on the phone with Becky so I'm going to make this short.

My today of silence last .2 seconds until I said hi to Jenna in the parking lot. School was, okay. We had practice afterwards it was pretty much a joke and it wasn't very long, so props to that. Then Hertzy, Me, Jenna, Allie, Gitty, and Emma went to Wendy's and got some food then went to the Field of Dreams to watch the JV's play boardman.

They won. Yessss. Hm, after that I went to Marc's with Hertzy and Boobs came a little later, we picked out a new color to dye my hair. It was called "Acorn". How friggin sweet. Anyway, it looks really cute, but my parents hate it.

They'll get over it. It's sooo awesome. Dark hair rocks ;). And I love Hertzy and she's the best ever <3

I need to study for latin..

Kari.

Walking away, all fired up...

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 01:23:40 GMT

we chose this path and we tread
new steps a new route
vowing to hike the hills and dull the edges
tips blistered and calloused
even though we fuel our dream
eyes strained new shades of red
we thought we could
we'll plant our feet into the ground to never be washed away
so don't back down just yet
or blow this flame out
we'll tend to these scars with art carved in our arms
in a world too thoughtless to empty pockets for beggar's hands
starving, left cold and alone
and we'll chant our lungs pushed out upon those believing
in this one word of mouth/we leave no one behind

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 17:17:13 GMT

Ahhhh. Everything has been sooo crazy lately. A good crazy though, lots of fun. (This is going to be a long entry, get ready)

We had two games. Both of which we won. I had two homeruns and I got burnt. And I've got a sweet V-shaped sun mark on my neck/chest area, and a big white stripe across my forehead from my sweatband. =P. Tell me that isn't hot. Oh yes, Marcy also gave me a free slushie and t-shirt for my homeruns. And Dad bought me an cookie-icecream sandwich. It was glorious and clearly the most amazing thing I've ever put in my mouth.

After the game, I came home, showered, then left for Hertzy's house because our team was having a scavenger hunt. The teams were: Team Kristy: Hertzy, Ashley, Jenna, Boobs, and Gina, Team Kari: Me, Gitty, JJ, and Allie, and Team Ciera: Andy, Emma, Liz, and C. I think we all did pretty good, it was def. fun! Here's what our group did:
1.) Go and ask a random person if you can have a roll of toilet paper from there house. (Well, we did it once and it didn't get taped correctly so we had to do it again). So the second time, we did it at like, 10:40 and this lady wouldn't give it to us and her dogs were crazy, so fuck that.
2.) Get two boys to kiss you. (I did this one, ironic, eh?) I haven't kissed anyone since december this made me happy. hehe I missed kisses, I really want one from a girl though.
3.) Go cow tipping (We used stuffed animals... and I made sweet sound effects)
4.) Ask an employee where the vagasil is
5.) Buy a banana and a condom and ask a guy how it works (The biggest waste of three dollars in my life... And we were at walmart and I asked these girls to buy it because the lines where so long and we were on a time limit. And they thought we were embarassed and I'm like uh no, you just take to damn long to check out!!! arghh)
6.) I put on a bra and underwear over my clothes and asked an employee if it fit alright
7.) Allie mooned people like 6 times, 1 of which we actually got on tape
8.) We got free food from a fast food thing, which was rather simple.. lol
9.) Allie popped out of a clothes ring and scared some people hahaha
10.) Gitty had to give a guy a lap dance. It wasn't a very good one haha.. =P

After we completed ten we went back to Hertzy's house and watched them all. Then Me, Andy, Ashley, Jenna, Emma, Gina, and C spent the night over hertzy's. But Andy and Emma went out somewhere, Ash C and Jenna went somewhere, then Hertzy and I went out somewhere.

After we got done, we stopped at Wendy's at like 1:00 and got food then went back to her house.

I love the way Hertzy looks out for me though. (even though I don't need it). It's really cute though. =)

Then we cooked more food when everyone got back.

Then we went to bed and this morning Me, Hertzy, Ash, Jenna, and Emma went to Perkins for breakfast. Then Hertzy left and the rest of us went to Handels to visit Andy at work. We got free icecream. Amen for that, I'm broke man.

And now here I am. It was soooo much fun. But now I need to clean out my car and what not.

I didn't even think about her once last night. Amen for that too. Too bad C's group didn't find me a girlfriend on their scavenger hunt like I asked. They said they tried though. haha =P.

I'm so hyper.. ahhhh

Byeeeeeeeeeeeee. Kari

Wanna call and catch up....

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 23:39:01 GMT

I told myself not to go. Something inside me drove me there, and I couldn't help it. I had no control over anything, for once, I lived from my heart and not my head.

Then again, I must ask: Does it want to be disappointed? What did it expect? Surely nothing good.

And yet, everything, anything comes back in a second. That's all it took one second. After weeks and months. To be broken in a second.

A FUCKING SECOND.

Who would've known? Not me... I was blind, oblivious. I didn't want to feel this way. But I wouldn't have done it differently.

I wouldn't take anything back. I live without regret and remorse.

There's just something special there. Something I haven't found, although trust me, I've looked.

I've looked long and hard. Desperately. And I only found one thing:

It got me nowhere. Kari.

"Everyone makes mistakes.."

Through the coolest days of this dream-like maze...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 01:40:11 GMT

2/24/89- The day I bring havoc upon the world. 4/5/05- The day I stop.

With that said, today was alright. Nothing special happened, but nothing all that bad either.

I keep having dreams that have some kind of importance in my day-to-day living, and it scares me. It's not in the strictest sense a prophetic dream. It is kind of forecasting what's about to happen, but I think it's because I make it happen self-consciously. (If that makes sense). But the point of it is: Perhaps if I didn't have that dream, then certain events in my life would never really be happening at all.

I don't have a whole lot else to say except the usual: I miss having a girl. But I've had the strangest feelings and signals from someone, and it's weird. I hope I'm not wrong. She's got beautiful eyes. Only problem: I'm pretty sure she's straight. Haha, oh well.

Ablazed in rhasody. Kari.

"Sugar, sweeten my tea.."

An isolation through the swollen eyes of the dying...

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 00:59:54 GMT

She told me that she loved me tonight. It was the climax of our relationship, and now, here comes the descending resolution.

We've come to the realization it'd never work.

She's forlorn in my memory. Kari.

"I'll take the road unknown and meet you there at the end of time.."

I wish it didn't have to be, but this song is for you...

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 18:10:42 GMT

We return victorious. Another championship won in Myrtle Beach, and yet, I feel no more accomplished then when I first left.

As much as everyone wants to be back at the beach, I'm glad to be home. Something about soft toilet paper, homemade cooking, and my guitar seem somewhat more appealing then warm weather which never works for my benefit anyway considering I don't get tan.

My heart is in Ohio. Which means I'm now that much closer to her. I'll elaborate on a later day perhaps, but not now.

I've been thinking about getting my lip pierced. I know my parents would never go for it, but who cares. I've also been craving a new hair style, I'll be giving Terrie a call shortly to see what she can do. The ladies in the salons are retarded and have no idea what I want. But Terrie works wonders.

After that's done, it'll all be gravy.

My second fish died today. I wonder why I get the suicidal ones. They bury their heads under the rocks, and die. It's not my fault. I take good care of them. There must be something deeper then that though, a longing that they can't have. They realize that they're captivated, that the rest of their life will be trapped in a two gallon tank with nowhere to go. I can't blame them for wanting to die.

I can't stop thinking about her. I lied when I said I wasn't going to write anything about her, but I can't help it. I'm afraid she might be a bit of a tease though. Truth be told, I didn't want to like her. But I can't help my feelings. I don't want to admit it, but I'd love to date her. Finally, a girl that sings to me. =)

She's some kind of wonderful. Kari.

"Sing me something soft, sweet and delicate..."

She is standing alone..

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 20:43:28 GMT

It's only 3:30, and I'm tired from today. I woke up around 9:30 and I took Kristen to the Y. I ran for a little bit. And when I say a little bit, I mean little. After that we visited mom at work so I could get some money for gas because I was running on empty.

We stopped at Sheetz on Market street, and first I had to go in and ask how to work the pump. I couldn't figure it out, and I'm new to the whole thing, heh.. Then I go in to pay, and this really mean lady doesn't believe me that I can drive and she thinks I'm too young. I'm slighty offended. But not much.

After that, Kristen and I went to Petland to play with the animals. (obviously). We took this puppy and it was the most ADORABLE thing I have ever seen in my life. It was sooo small and it didn't bark and it was tan. And it gave me puppy dog eyes when we left (go figure..). I'm so taking mom there tonight and we're getting it. Despite the fact that I'm allergic.

Then we went to Camelot lanes to play DDR. I finally found someone that I could beat. =). Which reminds me, Belvy reserved me for tomorrow and we are going there and doing just that.

Hm, then afterwards we went to Steak and Shake for lunch. The lady asked me if I wanted smoking or non. I should've asked her if she minded if me and my 7 year old sister smoked a couple blunts (is that what they're called?? lol) in the back booth. Dumbass, of course we wanted non. Geez.

There was a really cute girl working there. Just thought I'd say that. heh.

I've been cleaning and packing ever since I got home. I leave for the beach on Easter Sunday. It's almost here.

I can hardly wait. Maybe I'll meet the love of my life down there. (That's wishful thinking). But my parents won't let me go to any support groups while I'm down there, so chances are, I won't meet anyone. But you never know.

I need to go to the mall and find some clothes. But chances are that'll never happen.

So I guess I'll settle for Barnes and Noble for a good book.

Adrienne leaves for Cali tomorrow. I miss her, and I hope she has a fun and SAFE time.

Yay for Spring Break. !!!

Love hardly. Kari.

How can I feel alive?

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 01:56:34 GMT

What a long day! I finally got home.

Hertzy is back, and I missed her terribly. But there's nothing that can explain how happy I was to see her in the halls today. I can't imagine what it's going to be like without her next year. =(

We scrimmaged Champion today, and it was nice to see Kasey again.

My toe got re-xrayed. Not doing so hot. We are getting a second opinion from a surgeon tomorrow to see if I should get the surgery or not. This really sucks, but the Lord has plans for me, and I'm just going to go with it.

I just sneezed 8 times in a row. I must be catching a cold. Right before Myrtle Beach, great.

There wasn't exactly a line of teenagers at Katie Lamport's door for my sermon tonight. But Rossi showed up, and it was awesome. At least I had one friend come. I really wish Julia would've been there though, I wrote it for her.

Apparently, I'm a better speaker then I thought, and I did pretty good. Props to myself.

But I'm going to go and do something, anything but Latin.

I really miss having a girlfriend too. It's random, but whatever.

Love hardly. Kari.

la, la, la...

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 04:11:20 GMT

I AM: Wet. (From the shower of course)
I WANT: To meet someone.
I HAVE: A broken/shattered pinky toe in 4 places. (That will soon branch off to a 6th toe, creepy)
I WISH: I could get rid of this Scooby Doo Wild Berry Blast Toothpaste taste. (Used Kristen's, ran out of my own, and I'm too darn lazy to walk downstairs)
I HATE: Nothing. I only dislike. I.E., incompetent stupid school children, when Mr. Snyder yells at me.
I MISS: Boardman and my old friends.
I FEAR: Nothing. The Lord is my Rock. =) (PS- I'm giving my sermon tomorrow, be there)
I HEAR: My computer, making a really loud buzzing noise. Which probably isn't a good thing.
I SEARCH: Your mom's purse for drugs. No, um. I search for an unyielding path that takes me and my mind and body into a state of tranquility and nuturing love. How deep. <3
I WONDER: Why I want someone to love so badly.
I LOVE: My friends, Jill & PJ as a couple, poetry, acoustic guitars, Kristen, my parents, sierra mist, double fudge elmer cookies, gorants candy bars, stars, huggling, softball, ohhh this list continues.
I ALWAYS: Scratch my head or eyebrow when I get nervous or feel uncomfortable.
I AM NOT: Straight. Aha.
I DANCE: Absolutely NEVER.
I SING: Terribly. (Ask anyone who's heard me)
I CRY: All the time. Such a cry baby.. ahh
I AM NOT ALWAYS: Patient.
I WRITE: A lot of poetry.
I WIN: As much as I'm willing to risk.
I LOSE: Everything I gain.
I NEED: A hug from someone so I know I'm not alone.
I SHOULD: Be in bed.

[x] Father thinks I am: The daughter from hell. Apparently this whole bisexual thing was a big let down for him, and things haven't been the same. Nonetheless, I'm his daughter, and that respect is still there.
[x] Mother thinks I am: Lazy, and irresponsible. (Both true, indeed. But I'm not that irresponsible)
[x] My boyfriend/girlfriend thinks I am: Probably a retard. Which would explain the reason why I don't have one!
[x] Humour makes me: In a happy mood. I have great friends for that.
[x] Thinking about past relationships: I've learned from my mistakes. And I truly now believe everything happens for a reason. I'm living without regret and remorse, but I'm still searching for someone.

YES OR NO...
[x] You keep a diary: Well, online journal. I give up on diaries too quickly.
[x] You like to cook: Hm, we'll let the microwave answer that one. Or the empty poptart boxes.
[x] You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: No, I came out.
[x] You're in love: I would say Yes, I'm in love. With many things to be exact.
[x] You set your watch a few minutes ahead: No, but my car clock is a few slow.
[x] You bite your fingernails: Only when they break and I don't have nail clippers.
[x] You have been in love: Yes.

DO YOU...
Have a crush: Not at the moment. I'm sick of having crushes and getting let down. Sick, sick, sick. So I'm content with just enjoying myself around the company of friends and things I like to do. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't change it in a split second if I found someone worth it. =)
Want to get married: Yes.
Have any tattoos: No, never.
Have any piercings: Yes.
Get motion sickness: Yes. =(
Think you're a health freak: Not so much anymore. I used to be, and I'm still obsessed with my weight, but not as much.
Get along with your parent: Up until my dad wanted to be homophobic, yeah.

THIS OR THAT?
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Cuddle by far!!! But, huggling actually. It's the best ever!! I don't mind both at the same time though.
CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Hm, I'll remain indecisive on this one until a further specification on the weather is given. But in the mean time, I'll say, white milk with something chocolate.
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: White.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Depends on what it is. I'll assume it's ice cream and I'll say chocolate. (Thus my new, unwanted, obsession with Chocolate Oreo Icecream from Handels.. soo awesome. Yes, I replaced my favorite of Cotton Candy)

IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED: No.
HELPED SOMEONE: I sure have.
BOUGHT SOMETHING: Yes.
GOTTEN SICK: I felt sick outside today. It was soo cold and my nose was sniffly. heh.
GONE TO THE MOVIES: No.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER: No.
SAID "I LOVE YOU": Of course. =)
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No.
TALKED TO AN EX: Can't say I have.
MISSED AN EX: No.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL: Yes.
TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON: No.
MISSED SOMEONE: Yes.
HUGGED SOMEONE: Yes.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS: No.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND: No. No fights in a longgggg time. Amen!!

Name 10 things you like in a partner:
(No order of specific preference)
1.) A nice smile
2.) Killer personality, humorous
3.) Sensitive, poetry, music and/or Athletic Ability
4.) Intellegence
5.) Remote innocence
6.) I need a lot of attention, so they'd probably have to be obsessive compulsive. =)
7.) Down-to-earth in general
8.) Good smell
9.) A pulse
10.) A little bit of religous affiliation and/or a firm grasp on what they believe philosophical or agnostically. (No atheism... creepy)

Would You Ever...
Eat a bug: Yeah. I'll try anything once.
Bungee jump: Sure.
Hang glide: For sure. It seems so cool!
Kill someone: Oh, never ever. Not on purpose anyway. Joke joke.
Have sex with someone you don't love: No.
Kiss someone of the same sex: Yes. Def. =)
Have sex with someone of the same sex: Sure.
Parachute from a plane: Yeah. Totally.
Walk on hot coals: With professional help, sure.
Go out with someone for their looks: No.
For their reputation: No.
Be a vegetarian: No. I tried for 3 months. I love meat. Steak, chicken, bacon, ANYTHING. Meat rocks!
Wear plaid with stripes: Yes.
IM a stranger: Yeah, sure.
Sing karaoke: I'd like to say yes. But probably not.
Get drunk off your ass: No.
Shoplift: No.
Run a red light: I did once. But it wasn't working. And mom gave me the okay. =)
Star in a porn video: No.
Dye your hair blue: Yes.
Be on Survivor: Sure.
Wear makeup in public: Yes. Even though I rarely touch make-up.
NOT wear makeup in public: Yeah.
Cheat on a test: Yeah. I did a lot my freshman year. Barely at all this year, except Chem.
Make someone cry: I don't like to, but I am sure I have. I'm pretty nice though and it doesn't happen often.
Call your math teacher a motherfucker: No. I could only imagine what Farina would do. And Basista would, God, I can't even predict.
Kick a baby: Um no.
Date someone more than ten years older than you: No.
Cuss at a priest: No.
Take a job as a janitor: Yeah, maybe. I heard it's good pay. And I happen to think it's a very respectable job. They put up with so much.
Stay up all through the night: Sure. Hopefully with friends though. And not because I'm crying. Over girls. =(

I can make you banana pancakes

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 01:03:11 GMT

Okay, so here's a quick run down of today:

Some kid, threw up from the band room to the restroom leaving a trail. It smelled forever. I almost threw up myself. By far the most disturbing thing that I've encountered in a while.
Julia acted like she was on crack the whole day, and I loved every single minute of it.
Softball was a blast, even though it was freezing! I love this team. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait to go to myrtle beach. =)
We got our new sweats today. I have a new casual monday outfit. =)
I still can't find my car keys, it must be a conspiracy. Because I am responsible. Sometimes. Barely ever.

That's about it, my stomach really hurts, I think mom poisoned my super. Or maybe it's just cramps. Because I was looking for chocolate, that we didn't have. So I'm a bit disgruntled right now. =(. And I have a lot of homework to do, but I can't do that until my parents get home because they took my car.

I think Adrienne got her license today. And I'm oh so very proud of her.

Yay for Adrienne. Kari.

I paint your picture red and black...

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 04:54:57 GMT

*Bigggg yawn*

I had such a busy day today. You'd think I would have more energy, but I'm really beat. I wonder if I have mono, again. Consecutively, that would suck.

Friday I didn't really do anything. I went to school, then softball. Then I came home and slept until around 9:30. Then I woke up and stayed up until 11. Then went back to bed. =) I sleep a lot. And I love it.

I got up this morning and had to go get bloodwork done. It really hurt this time, my veins are about drained. After that I had softball practice, 3 hours of doing absolutely nothing for me. =(. I can't wait until I can play again.

I went to the mall and got my hair cut. Apparently, no one has noticed. But trust me, I have a lot more layers.

I drove out to Columbiana again tonight. I'm 0 for 2 for finding Abby, ever. Maybe I was out there too early. I don't know. I just wanted to give her a birthday present since I'll be leaving for Myrtle Beach the day of. Oh well.

After I was in Columbiana I took a different route home, 164 takes me to 5 points. I'll have to remember that for next time.

I went over Heidi's and Annie was over there. Her dad was cooking and like there was a massive fire show inside of their oven. It was sooo funny. Probably because I'm a pyro. Then we went to Handels. And then to my house to watch Donnie Darko. It was a really good movie, but we didn't finish it, and I'm not sure I completely understand it.

But I took both of them home and now I'm sitting here boring you all with my entry. I have so much homework to do tomorrow that I've neglected to do all weekend.

I can't wait until next weekend, or the weekend after that, or the weekend after that. God, I just can't wait to live the next day of my life. Hoping that I'll be one day, one hour, one minute, one second closer to finding that special person for me.

I've seen a lot of kissing today. I miss having someone to kiss.

Please don't get me wrong though. I don't want to kiss just anyone.

I want to find someone special.

Until the day I die. Kari.

"This ain't science baby.."

It's as something as simple that nobody knows...

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 02:05:43 GMT

Beware, the ides of March.

Okay, now that I've got that out of the way...

I haven't updated in a couple days, primarily because I haven't had anything to update about. And I'm neglecting to do my Chemistry homework because really, who needs chemistry?

Belvy and I have been started hanging out again. Which is cool, and I've missed the kid a lot. I'd like to get a prayer in for his grandparents, so just remember them if you come to think of it.

I miss Jill more than ever. And I'm being serious, but we are going to hang out soon and all will be well.

I had softball today, and it really depresses me not being able to do everything that everyone else is doing. It's hard. It's scary. That in a moment's instance, I might not be going to college just like that. Yeah, I'm smart, but not smart enough. Softball was really the only thing I had going for me. I need to get better soon so I can get my money.

Sam burnt my the new Jack Johnson CD. I'm going to listen to it later, if I ever get around to doing chem.

So there's this girl. And it all seems too good to be true.

Which means it probably is.

But I'm not worried about it. Kari.

Well you know that you're my friend...

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 05:15:14 GMT

POOPSIE! Hahaha, Christine.

Tonight, we went to go see the Pajama Game at South Range. It was soo funny and awesome, I wish I could get on stage and do that, but I just can't. But anyway, there's this girl that's voice just annoyed me. A lot. And we made fun of her, through the whole play. And the WORST possible thing that could've happened did. Poopsie's grandma was right next to me the whole time.

CRAPPP.

But it was fun nonetheless. Got to see Ehrin and Kailey and Ashley. It wasn't as awkward around them as I had thought, and I enjoyed myself.

Then I got to give Erin a hug, she's so cute. And clearly the nicest girl in the whole entire world. But she was like, stage props manager.

Then I got to give Abby a hug. She did so awesome. And that fat suit makes me giggle.

And Mr. H. I can't really spell his last name. But he came up and gave me a hug. Poland bred baby, poland bred.

And I met Abby's mom.

Such an eventful night haha.

But I'm tired and I've had a long day. And I want to talk to Mandy. =)

My parents think taking out the power in the hallway will keep me off of the computer. Yeah, like I don't know how to work an electrical box my ass.

Night. Kari.

"I think I'll have myself a beer"

I'm a rebel, soul rebel...

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 02:24:51 GMT

It's undoubtfully been hard. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think that's relevant to just about anything in my life.

We had the writing OGT today, I passed with flying colors. I wish they were all writing. One of the prompts was "Talk about something important you learned in life, either in the classroom or from experiences. Give examples and explain why it's something important that you learned."

It's amazing how my answer came from a pretty philosophical, intellectual conversation that I had with Terrie about how the ultimate goal in life is to actually be independent and strive for personal happiness. (As opposed to living for other people).

I hope that the judge doesn't find my answer too arrogant. Or I'll automatically fail if I get "God" grading it.

Then again, I probably already failed the first one. It was to persuade the student government to allow a speaker of your choice to come and speak at your school based off of a grant you received. My answer:

Elton John, in part because he was gay.

Once again, I'll get "God" grading it, or a Christian conservative so to speak, and I'll be screwed.

I could be wrong, maybe I'll get an earthy liberalist.

Oh who cares. Who am I kidding? I probably failed.

It's 9:11, creepy.

Anywho, I got my toe x-rayed today. Not doing so hot, and our prayers failed. But hopefully God has a bigger plan. It's not going back together at all. To put it in a nutshell, or stupid people terms: When you're young, calcium should build up along the sides of fractures very quickly. It's been three weeks and at this stage a normal person would have at least some, if not a lot, of build up. I have zero, zip, none. Apparently it's because I haven't been resting it.

Coach isn't going to be happy. But I don't think I'm going to stop playing. I did have the threat though, that if I didn't stop, and didn't have surgery, I would actually form a "6th" toe. It wouldn't be very big, it would be a stub. And that sounds horrifying. I showing people my feet now, crap, wait until then!!

But I'm off to bed. 6:45 band in the AM.

<3 Kari.